Deviant Dispatches

Been a while. I'm posting this exclusively for the purpose of remembering what I made last night so I can make it again. But not on a weeknight - this was way too involved for that, what with two small and hungry children clawing at my ankles. At least the results were fantastic - Child Unit 1 spontaneously said thank you and that it was delicious! They're empanada -like, but I'm pretty damn white so it's likely I missed something vital. Apologies on that front. I was going to take a picture, but it didn't end up very photogenic. I didn't bother with the egg wash, so the pastry looked pretty blah, and the cream sauce looked exactly like the "grey stuff" from Beauty and the Beast. Shocking that Child Unit 2 didn't want a bite of it to tide him over. Mmm, grey stuff. Walnut and Roasted Beet Empanadas * 2 extra large beets (like seriously, huge), cubed 1/2 c. walnuts, chopped 2 T. olive oil 1/4 c. onion, chopped Greens from the beets, ...

About eight months ago, before Spousal Unit and I had moved into the Batcave, my friend Stephanie had me try her vegetarian meatballs. They melted in my mouth and were incredibly meat-like - I was amazed and requested the recipe at once. Then I promptly lost it in the move before I had a chance to make them. Last week, while doing some cleaning, I finally came across the recipe again. Hurrah! Meatballs! (Yes, I could have asked her for the recipe again, but I kept forgetting about it. Like I do.) My first batch turned out wonderfully except for two things. First, I skimped a little on the breadcrumbs (either that, or I added the right amount and the problem was that the eggs were the size of Texas - each). I ended up with meat-saucers instead. Tasty  meat-saucers. Which just makes me think of Space Meat . Second, just before removing these from the oven, I turned on a burner for tea. But after I'd set these on the stove and they'd begun to cool, they starte...

Source Dear Batcave , You have no idea how excited I am to become a superhero. Spousal Unit named both of the other places we've lived in (The Stick and The Pork Rind, respectively - and that was after  we became vegetarians). His tendency was to think of a ridiculous name as quickly as he could, so that the name would be second nature and I wouldn't have a chance at naming it something cool. I'm telling the truth here, Batcave : for the last year, I've lived in a place called The Pork Rind. I can't wait to live someplace less meaty. Here are my hopes for you, Batcave . I hope you'll provide a quiet environment with little highway noise. I hope you'll allow us to regulate the heat, so that we can be as cool as we want in summer and in winter (really - I like the heat on low in winter). I hope that our new neighbors will hate drama and, therefore, will spend less time standing out in the yard and screaming at 2 a.m. I hope you'll defe...

This is a giant radish we got in our community-supported agriculture (CSA) box a couple of weeks ago - just one of many reasons I love getting a big box of fresh veggies every other week. You'd never find a radish like this in a store, nor would it be quite so fresh. Hooray Circle M Farm ! Spousal Unit and I have gotten three of our ten summer boxes now, and I'm pretty happy with our choice thus far. How many CSAs let you go to the farm and work off what you owe for the veggies? We've gone once, with friends, and it was so cool to know we helped pick the sugar snap peas that came back to us - almost like when I went to Grandma and Grandpa's, picked a bucket of berries, and came back to the house to eat them over fresh biscuits. Sorry, CSA, but no matter how awesome you get, nothing beats the food my grandpa grows. On top of that were all the animals we got to see. I miss my days on the alpaca ranch sometimes, and it was nice to see fuzzy critters again. A li...

I am incredibly cranky this morning, and I'm pretty much never  cranky when I wake up. Maybe it was Spousal Unit's NPR, waking me up 45 minutes before I like to get out of bed. Maybe it was the downstairs neighbor's bathroom fan, which is broken and rattles like a herd of elephants stampeding during an earthquake, and is always turned on in that morning moment when you're half awake and trying to go back to sleep. Maybe it's the low-grade headache I've had since then, which, if it doesn't go away soon, will likely get worse. Maybe it's having to work my third closing shift in this week when I only have one day off, meaning I get a total of two hours with Spousal Unit tonight before bedtime - and no dinner with him. Maybe it's knowing I have to work all weekend, too. Whatever the reason, I'm in the mood to pillage, burn, and kick flowers today. I should probably fix that before I go to work, or before 5:00 I'll be muttering about a stapler...

Work was hell yesterday. Not only is there a ridiculous after-Christmas sale going on, but everyone decided yesterday afternoon was a good time to get rid of their possessions. The buying area had mounds of books waiting to be purchased by the store, and sellers had to wait 45 minues before anyone could get to their stuff. Insanity, I tell you. On top of that, the most ridiculous questions kept coming in. For example: "Where is your true fiction section?" "I'm looking for a book about the history of cameras. It's orange. Do you know where it might be?" "Do you have [popular book that's only been out for two days, which is certainly not at a used bookstore already]?" The phones aren't working right, either, so by the end of the day, I was wiped. Spousal Unit didn't have to fight very hard to talk me into the Market Street Diner . We checked their menu to be sure they had veggie options, and to our surprise, they had many good ...

I'm sure everyone will be shocked to learn that this Thanksgiving weekend was overflowing with delicious food. But let me tell you about it anyway. Spousal Unit and I hung out at home for Thanksgiving dinner. For the main course, I made black beans and greens with cream sauce, served over barley. Spousal Unit and I love twice-baked potatoes, but I only had sweet potatoes in the house. So I made twice-baked sweet potatoes, which are now a Thanksgiving staple. I added cream cheese, ginger, cinnamon, and a pinch of brown sugar. For dessert, we had rømmegrøt. You remember rømmegrøt, don't you? I just mentioned it a couple of days ago . It was smooth and creamy, and cooked to perfection: the best batch I've ever made. I was on the phone with my grandma while I made it, so that must have been the trick! I also made a pumpkin cream cheese roll for dessert the next day. Spousal Unit's parent came up to see our new place, so we had our Thanksgiving with people on Friday night,...

As a counter to yesterday's post, today I bring you books that are interesting and well done, as opposed to written by monkeys and lining birdcages. The first in this installment of "Books I Will Read at Some Point and Might Also Like to Own" is Population 485 by Michael Perry. Michael Perry has returned to his hometown of New Auburn, Wisc., after a ten-year absence. To feel more in-touch with the town again, he joins the volunteer fire department, putting out flames and saving lives when he's not putting words on a page. This is the story of rural life: everyone knows everyone (including their history), and life is mostly taken at leisure - except when there's an emergency. The first chapter tells of Perry's connection to New Auburn, and also the story of Tracy, whose car went out of control at a dangerous turn. His telling of the two stories is immaculate, bits from one followed by pieces of the other. His language choice is perfect. Describing the accident:...

On Sunday, I ate a plethora of amazing food. I want a time machine specifically so I can go back to Sunday, freak out my earlier self and earlier Spousal Unit, and sneak food off of both their plates. It's totally possible, because last night I watched yet another episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation that involved time travel. If it's that common in the future, I think I'm entitled to at least one instance of time travel in my life. These pancakes are enough to make me want it to be for last Sunday. Don't they look incredibly amazing? Spousal Unit made them. For those who don't know, Spousal Unit claims he can only make pasta and lasagna, but when I asked for pancakes, he made me the best damn pancakes I've ever had. (This is probably the only instance where I would say, " Are these cakes hot ? Then I will take ALL of them!") He's been holding out on me. When I praised his culinary prowess and he gave the credit to being an Eagle Scout, I th...

It's only Wednesday morning and I'm already exhausted. I have no good reason to be. My two workdays so far have only been three hours long each. That's how today will be, too. I chalk it all up to not having gone anywhere or learned anything on a daily basis for the last two months. To suddenly jump back into it is overwhelming and a bit terrifying. Another part of that is the number of interviews I have this week. Yesterday was my first, and I still have three to go. Plus the two I had last week. Six interviews and two (short) days of work in one week. I guess that explains my sleepiness pretty well. These interviews are stressful for a couple of reasons. 1.) I don't know where they are, being new to this city, so I have to leave early just in case I get lost. I almost did yesterday heading to a tux shop interview. 2.) I always get nervous when I have to perform. Yes, everyone has to deal with that, but it's still a physically exhausting thing. 3.) I don't real...

Coming back to Wisconsin has made me fairly nostalgic for many things, especially things that tie to family or college somehow. I've reminisced on days when I was still looking forward to having two digits in my age, lazing around Grandma and Grandpa's or spending time just with Mom. I've rejoiced in spending time with college friends again - or at least knowing they're much closer than two days away. I've thrilled at having a variety of good-quality fruits and veggies close at hand (the fridge makes my heart jump excitedly sometimes). But there is one thing I've really been wanting and haven't been able to have, because it's a meat-product. Bratwurst is your first guess, I bet. Nope, not bratwurst. Nor hamburger or any other cookout food. The food I've been missing and craving more than anything lately is pickled herring. Such a delicacy is a thing often served at salad bars in Wisconsin (for some odd reason). There was usually a jar at Easter or Th...

Last night, I made a multi-facetedly awesome dinner. (I now declare multi-facetedly to be a real word.) Above is not a picture of the dinner. Because I am cameraless, it's a picture of someone else's strawberry and tofu salad... but mine looked way better. Usually, I at least pretend to follow a recipe or two when cooking. It's easier to build off of something that already exists, and if you don't know what else to add, there are suggestions ripe for the picking. This meal was unusual in that it wasn't inspired by another recipe - it came into my brain matter from nowhere. That means, like usual, I didn't measure anything that went into the salad. The liquids are most likely to be off - feel free to adjust numbers if you make that one. I worried that this meal wouldn't be filling enough. It was plenty filling. Friend whose house we've invaded started a new job yesterday, and it was ridiculously hot and humid, just like it's supposed to be today. I o...

A few weeks ago, while grocery shopping, Spousal Unit and I encountered a package of egg roll wraps on sale for an exciting low price. We screamed with joy and threw them in our shopping cart with zeal. When we got home, we put them in our fridge and forgot about them. Until now. Their expiration date was drawing nigh, and we wanted to give them a proper send off, so we braced ourselves mentally and physically for the insanity of ingesting fabulous fried food. I was practically shaking in my boots over cooking these unassuming little rolls. After all, I've made tempura before, which resulted in oil burns on my armpit. (I was wearing a tank top, and the oil splattered when I lifted the lid.) Unless you've made some splatterrific fried goods before, you have no idea what a pain it is. The extra drops of tempura batter resulted in an extra splatter factor, along with condensation built up on the lid. The entire stove gets oily, and you can never quite get all the grease off the...

The answers and suggestions everyone gave me after last Friday's post added up to a resounding, "Yes, you should eat the bacon. Go for it. You will not be a cheater-pants." So, still weighing the question in my mind, I went to the local health food store, where I stared at the meat in question, pondering what friend Sandy asked: would I be happy with myself for eating a former pig, or would it weigh on me too much? As I pondered my inner happiness (while gazing at raw meat), coworker Vera (whom I call Auntie) came up to me. Surprise! "That's really good," she said, pointing to the object of my confusion and desire. "I had some a while ago." Pause. "Why are you looking at meat?" I explained my predicament, and she left me in peace to make my decision. After a bit more pondering, I considered my reasons for going vegetarian. 1.) Factory farms/butchers are unnecessarily cruel to animals, who live and die in horrible conditions. The pig that ...

Though it is not graphic, this post discusses humane and non-humane animal slaughter. You have been warned. A couple of weeks ago, I found some bacon. Not Facon (fake bacon) but real bacon. I kind of want to eat it. It's produced by Applegate Farms, and the packaging proclaims that it lets the pigs have their self-imposed hierarchy and social organization - pigs are very smart, complex animals, and most farms cause them great distress by splitting them up and not letting that social order fall into place. They're also never given antibiotics (unlike farms that pump animals full of them every day) and are fed a natural grain diet (instead of being fed other animals). The only question their packaging and their website didn't answer for me was about their slaughter methods. They seemed likely to have humane slaughter methods in place, but I wanted to be sure. So I emailed them. And I didn't hear back for weeks. Earlier this week, I finally did. "Our standards include...

You'd think I would learn. About two weeks ago, I realized it had been quite some time since I made a delicious curry dish. Usually, I use my auntie's homemade curry mix, but I always have trouble getting a good, creamy sauce going unless I happen to have coconut milk. So, rather than just buy coconut milk, I decided to buy this: Mmm, green curry sauce. Of course, I wasn't planning to add the recommended meat, so I thought it would all work out fine. At home, I pulled out various awesome ingredients (including tofu) and decided I should probably read the label. Here's what the label told me: Anchovies?? Are they serious? Of all the possible ingredients, why anchovies? Did they need so badly for this stuff to smell and taste uber-fishy? And this was not a cheap jar of crap, either. This is ridiculous, I thought to myself, and tossed the jar away with a reckless abandon. Fast forward to last night, when I decided to try making tofu and mushroom stroganoff, which we both ...

Spousal Unit, ever since I first met him, has been what I would call a meatatarian. He eats meat whenever it's available, in large quantities, covered with sloppings of barbeque sauce. BBQ ribs, brats, and hamburgers top his list of favorite meats. Last summer, Spousal Unit said, "Hey, let's try not eating any meat for a week." I just about fell over. I've never been much for meat, especially beef or things that ooze grease when poked. I'd always wanted to try it out, but it's hard to do so when living with another person. The idea of cooking two meals, or cooking one and setting aside the meat in your dish, is not very appealing. So I jumped on it. Week One went very well. Spousal Unit wanted to shoot for two, so we did. Yum, yum, veggies. And that led to our routine of eating meat only once a month. And then I read a book. Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer discusses how the animals we eat become meat. Everything from fish and shrimp to fowl and pig...