Deviant Dispatches

Let me start with this: Life is fucking hard and I don't blame you for skipping right down to the recipe. Lately (as in, since March 2020), it's been one thing after another. Staying home, avoiding people, doing what we thought was best for the kids, realizing that was not best for them or for us, and trying to survive hour to hour in the onslaught of anxiety, uncertainty, and decision fatigue. The kids are dealing with reintegration now, and it's hard in different ways for each of them. One is loving school and hates being at home, and the other doesn't know how to be social anymore. This morning, I felt tired, unappreciated, guilty, and broken all before 8 a.m. So I made cake for breakfast. The kids love pancakes, but the youngest only likes them with syrup or honey, and the oldest is never interested in a healthy side dish. Drop the "pan" though, and it's a different story. I added an extra egg to my favorite pancake mix, and poured it over a layer of f...

I need to start keeping track of what's going on for my own sanity. I want to be able to look back and say that things really were going that fast - to say, I hope, that we seem to have worried for nothing. To remember the good in all of this. I also need way more therapy than I can afford (though I'm still getting therapy, trust me), and so I write. I'm labeling the days in accordance with my workplace shutdown. Day 1 (Monday) was my first day working from home to prevent the spread of COVID-19. I'm happy to overreact so that others will survive, so they don't have to worry about whether a ventilator will be free if needed. I'm also still recovering, three and a half weeks later, from influenza A and am not eager to be that sick again. Less than two weeks after my trip to Korea (by the way, I went to Korea!), I got sick. After a little prompting, I requested COVID-19 testing and was told that CDC guidelines wouldn't allow my doctor's office to do ...