Deviant Dispatches

I need to start keeping track of what's going on for my own sanity. I want to be able to look back and say that things really were going that fast - to say, I hope, that we seem to have worried for nothing. To remember the good in all of this. I also need way more therapy than I can afford (though I'm still getting therapy, trust me), and so I write. I'm labeling the days in accordance with my workplace shutdown. Day 1 (Monday) was my first day working from home to prevent the spread of COVID-19. I'm happy to overreact so that others will survive, so they don't have to worry about whether a ventilator will be free if needed. I'm also still recovering, three and a half weeks later, from influenza A and am not eager to be that sick again. Less than two weeks after my trip to Korea (by the way, I went to Korea!), I got sick. After a little prompting, I requested COVID-19 testing and was told that CDC guidelines wouldn't allow my doctor's office to do ...

Been a while. I'm posting this exclusively for the purpose of remembering what I made last night so I can make it again. But not on a weeknight - this was way too involved for that, what with two small and hungry children clawing at my ankles. At least the results were fantastic - Child Unit 1 spontaneously said thank you and that it was delicious! They're empanada -like, but I'm pretty damn white so it's likely I missed something vital. Apologies on that front. I was going to take a picture, but it didn't end up very photogenic. I didn't bother with the egg wash, so the pastry looked pretty blah, and the cream sauce looked exactly like the "grey stuff" from Beauty and the Beast. Shocking that Child Unit 2 didn't want a bite of it to tide him over. Mmm, grey stuff. Walnut and Roasted Beet Empanadas * 2 extra large beets (like seriously, huge), cubed 1/2 c. walnuts, chopped 2 T. olive oil 1/4 c. onion, chopped Greens from the beets, ...

Let me preface: I love my daughter. I have loved her since Day 1 (however you might measure that). I'm continually amazed at all the things about her - from the way she stared at everything so intently the moment she was born to all the shifts and changes as she's become a different person over the last nine months. She's incredible and studious and smart and adorable and (yes) perfect. I thought (hoped) it was just hormones at first. Then I thought it was just trouble adjusting to this big life change. Then I called it by its true name (at least, in my head) and tried to ignore it, and then hoped it would go away on its own. I'm sure many other mothers do this too. I felt so guilty for having postpartum depression. I also felt angry for so many reasons: I couldn't figure out how to do it right (because surely I was doing it wrong). Spousal Unit had (still has) a different parenting style than me and we had trouble compromising (largely because of the...

Parenting so far has been an adventure in ups and downs. Strength and Weakness of Body My daughter's birth went well. I was healthy throughout pregnancy and she was born with no complications. I'm still amazed at the fact that after she was born - after birthing a freaking child - they gave me ibuprofen, and it was enough to manage the pain. My body makes food for my daughter while I'm busy doing things like taking pictures or cleaning poop off the floor. I was able to function week after week without REM sleep. That said, the first week was a trip. I don't deal well with lack of sleep, even now that I have a three-month-old. In the first week, I got so dizzy from lack of sleep and weird hours that I nearly fell over several times. It was enough to make me feel nervous about carrying her from room to room; thankfully, Spousal Unit was home during that time as well. I also got a painful infection, and later that month, I was sick enough that I had to get two l...