Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Things I Learned From Disney's Aladdin

Aladdin has pretty much always been my favorite movie, and every time I watch it, I learn something new. On my most recent watching, I heard something new in the scene where Jasmine "falls for" Jafar: she tells him his eyebrows are very angular, and that he has "cute little gaps" between his teeth.

This can be added to the myriad things I've learned from Aladdin in the past, as follows.

1. Don't marry anyone who makes you change your clothes. Or, you know, spits on you.

2. People who say they're an excellent judge of character usually aren't.

3. Puns are often used for evil purposes.

4. A magic carpet is a pretty pimp ride.

5. Don't turn your best friend into an elephant.

6. So long as you have 75 golden camels, no one will question whether you're actually a prince.

7. If you make a wish to become a prince, be sure to include a "no lie-detector feathers" clause.

8. Best way to make the hot girl you just met fall for you? Pretend she's crazy.

9. Always make deals with the weird old guy in prison, but don't be surprised when he betrays you.

10. Only after you meet the princess, get imprisoned, get trapped in a cave, discover a genie, become a prince, woo the princess, thwart an attempted murder, lose your genie, get sent to the Himalayas in a jet-powered turret, and face down a creepy, powerful sorcerer-genie will the Sultan realize that duh, he could just change the law.

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