Deviant Dispatches

Let me start with this: Life is fucking hard and I don't blame you for skipping right down to the recipe. Lately (as in, since March 2020), it's been one thing after another. Staying home, avoiding people, doing what we thought was best for the kids, realizing that was not best for them or for us, and trying to survive hour to hour in the onslaught of anxiety, uncertainty, and decision fatigue. The kids are dealing with reintegration now, and it's hard in different ways for each of them. One is loving school and hates being at home, and the other doesn't know how to be social anymore. This morning, I felt tired, unappreciated, guilty, and broken all before 8 a.m. So I made cake for breakfast. The kids love pancakes, but the youngest only likes them with syrup or honey, and the oldest is never interested in a healthy side dish. Drop the "pan" though, and it's a different story. I added an extra egg to my favorite pancake mix, and poured it over a layer of f...

Been a while. I'm posting this exclusively for the purpose of remembering what I made last night so I can make it again. But not on a weeknight - this was way too involved for that, what with two small and hungry children clawing at my ankles. At least the results were fantastic - Child Unit 1 spontaneously said thank you and that it was delicious! They're empanada -like, but I'm pretty damn white so it's likely I missed something vital. Apologies on that front. I was going to take a picture, but it didn't end up very photogenic. I didn't bother with the egg wash, so the pastry looked pretty blah, and the cream sauce looked exactly like the "grey stuff" from Beauty and the Beast. Shocking that Child Unit 2 didn't want a bite of it to tide him over. Mmm, grey stuff. Walnut and Roasted Beet Empanadas * 2 extra large beets (like seriously, huge), cubed 1/2 c. walnuts, chopped 2 T. olive oil 1/4 c. onion, chopped Greens from the beets, ...

The beautiful label looked something like this . But more heavenly. Long ago at work, we received an incredible stash of gifts from our Taiwanese counterparts. They were provided as we began working with them and included several delicious teas and sweets. But the best thing of all was an abnormally sized jar of honey, gorgeous, tall and made of glass with a beautiful floral label and covered in a swooping, elegant font beyond my capacity for understanding. I didn't dare touch it; from whence had these gifts come? Were they available to all, or meant to be parsed out for those who worked on the Taiwan project? I didn't know and therefore let the shining bottle be, though an angelic choir seemed to ring out whenever I saw it. At some point after the jar's grand opening, a label was affixed to it. A serious label, made with a label maker and declaring in bold, English capital letters beside the swooping Taiwanese that this was a jar of PUBLIC HONEY. I wondered whet...

I'm a fan of potating . Dear OreIda, I write to you with joy in my heart after having consumed half a bag of tater tots. These crispy, chewy, lightly salted pinnacles of starchy excellence are often the highlight of my weary days, when I make it to dinner time only by keeping thoughts of their golden perfection in mind (often accompanied by a heavenly choir). It can come as little surprise to you then that I write not only to praise tater tots, but also to request a nationwide french fry ban. No, I am not one of those obsessed with calling them "Freedom Fries" instead. I do not stand before you with a flag as my Cape of Justice and a trusty eagle sidekick on my shoulder. I merely wish tater tots to have the rightful respect that is due to them. They deserve a place beside every hamburger, every sandwich, everywhere. For what are french fries but an inferior, long-legged imposter? I also request this ban of the inferior potato so that the infamous Spud War ...

Hi all - been a while. Distractions abound. I'm trying to get back into the swing of it - I haven't had a blogging hiatus like this since I started this up in 2011. Time to regroup, which may happen in fits and starts, but I'll do my best. What's been distracting me? Well, you know. Life. My next couple of posts will feature a lot of backlog, and mostly pictures, as I find it easier to get a post going when there's an image to go with it. First: the great outdoors. Earlier this summer, Spousal Unit and I decided to make good use of our fire pit. We proceeded to buy a ton of logs from the grocery store. You know, the paper-wrapped ones they sell next to the coolant and motor oil. (That should have been a clue.) One night, Spousal Unit didn't just put out the fire: he hosed it out, dumping the ashy water onto our yard. We ended up with dead grass and weird mushrooms. (Not quite a fairy ring.) So that's gross and disturbing, and we're never b...

I've been romping around the garden a lot lately. This might look like a forest to you, and it is. But what is this, a forest for ants? Yes actually. These are my carrots. (Dear ants, kindly ignore my previous invitation and leave my carrots alone. You're far too bitey for my liking.) My tomatoes are making huge strides. I was kind of terrified that they would all make it and I'd have to make enough sauce for a small Italian village, but the first two have rotted before ripening already. So we're good. (I might be the only gardener who roots for tomato death.) This corner is my whole edible garden, but the plot is five times this size. Maybe I'll fill it with more than weeds next year. My three basil plants are enormous, the oregano's coming along nicely, and the parsley is still piddly. Please note the tiny pink statue, which is awkward and terrifying and really good at keeping the rabbits from eating all my noms. She's t...

Our CSA through Circle M Farm has started up again, and it's been amazing. Every other Thursday when we pick up our box is like a delicious, strange Christmas - after three years, Spousal Unit and I are still surprised at some of the stuff that graces our kitchen. This year, we finally have a fridge big enough to house the fresh greens and produce. In past years, our tiny apartment fridges barely fit everything, and the tails of greenery would spill out of the sensitive crisper drawer and even hang out of the fridge door. Cramming everything in like that sometimes meant things went bad more quickly - there was no room to set a glassful of fresh herbs.  The benefits of our house keep surprising me. I've never needed more than a stove and a sink and a handful of fresh ingredients to cook great food and enjoy doing it. But it's a little more fun when you can move the teapot to a different counter instead of a different room to avoid oil splatters. I have more room to ...

Sally Anns are one of my favorite cookies. By their taste alone, they evoke a sense of home and comfort, reminding me of the kitchen at my grandparents' place and the simple happiness of mid-afternoon sweets. They're the only food that evokes the thought, This would be better with a cup of coffee. Making them was a good Easter activity, especially as I was stuck away from the family due to unpacking (the books are now free!) and yard work shenanigans (such as finding a dead mouse in the yard, which was lovely). With help from my mom, I found the recipe in the family cookbook (my great-great-grandparents are on the cover, and other awesome old pictures are scattered throughout). I decided that the transgression of buying a can of Spam (just once) was worth it for the sake of the cookies. Poke holes in the bottom of the can to allow for air flow. I didn't have enough butter for a full batch, but half of one made 18 Cookies of Unusual Size. I made the mistake of...

We left for Canada, and maple syrup was on our grocery list. We returned, and we still need syrup. How did that happen? Especially when I was so surprised at it? Syrup is served with freakin' everything there. You can get it with sweet or savory crepes, in beverages, on your burger, as a dipping sauce for fries ... . These people love their syrup. I was surprised at the taste, because I've never liked maple syrup before - it has a bitter aftertaste. But none of the fresh syrup I had in Quebec was like that. So I ate a lot of it. Apple and swiss crepe, and a mushroom/egg/asparagus crepe, at Casse-Crepe Breton . Possibly our favorite place on the whole trip. Mushroom and parmesan poutine with cheese curds This was dinner for us several nights. The brie was much more creamy in the middle. I didn't like it at first because it was so different, but now ... Le Croquembouche  was a feast for the eyes and the stomach. Raspberry brioche, croissant, cho...

Sunday was cookie day. Sandy, Kaelin, and I baked all day and ended up with 12 batches of cookies for us to split and take home. It was delightful fun. We made: Orange Cardamom Biscotti Snickerdudes for the Masses Jam Shortbreads Chocolate Mint Surprises Almond Crunch Sugar Cookies Orange Snaps M&M cookies Cranberry Orange Pinwheels Viennese Hazelnut Cookies Peanut Butter Blossoms Nutella cookies  Gingersnaps The gingersnaps had a kid in their class who wasn't very smart. Action shot! Rescuing the bowl from Death by Floor. We laid all the cookies out to count, and only now am I realizing that we were missing the Nutella and Chocolate Mint Surprise cookies. So the actual number of cookies per person was more like 225. Amazing. We rock.

I've been making some progress on my goals for the coming year already, particularly number 14: making yeast-based bread more often. I've already made three different recipes in the last month. One was by Real Simple - you know, the Martha Stewart thing. This Foolproof Whole-Wheat Sandwich Bread apparently had me fooled - it was only about two inches high when it came out of the oven. Still, it was tasty. Sandwich bread, my butt. The others have come from my Pillsbury Healthy Baking book. (I've shared this with you before , but it's really amazing. I've loved everything that's come out of it.) The first recipe was for braided loaves, made from no-knead refrigerator dough. I've used that recipe for rolls, but the bread was so good that I can't not make it again. It was sweeter than I wanted, despite cutting back on the sugar, which is fine; it's a sweeter recipe, dotted with almonds. But I bet I could take out all (or almost all) of t...

Hey look! Another mish-mash of recent happenings. I'll be expanding upon a few of these later in the week. I made eggplant parmesan for the first time last night. It was much easier and more fun than I thought it would be (both good signs, as I haven't been very into cooking lately). It was a simple matter of baking the breaded eggplant and making some sauce. Spousal Unit and I found a three-tier cat tree near a dumpster. It had been rained on, but we let it dry in the sun and gave it a thorough cleaning. The cats seem to like it so far, though Oberon is still more of a ground-based kitty. Last week at work, someone used "thru." In a professional report. I headdesked so bad. Another item in my work week: someone emailed saying that if the government shuts down, she'll have to send her report on Monday instead of Tuesday. That should not be a serious sentence. I feel like "If the government shuts down" should be the start of a joke, not a qualifi...

It's been an interesting week. We hung up our first Halloween decoration. I found The Most Gorgeous Tomato in the World. (On the inside, at least.) Titania decided to become a heating specialist. She's been randomly taking apart the baseboard heaters while playing with her catnip mouse. And I made beet chips for the first time. Here's a brief tutorial on how not  to make beet chips. 1. Pay attention to the timer. 2. If the timer goes off while you're on the phone with your mom, set it again instead of thinking, I'll remember to take them out when we're done talking . Moms are understanding like that. Edit: I have no idea why I dubbed this post "Week 2." There is no earthly reason that this could be considered Week 2 of anything at all. Even in football, this is the end of Week 3. I am very confused by my brain.

There are some gorgeous things out in the world that you need to see. I follow The Creative Crochet Collective on Facebook . They are constantly posting the most creative, beautiful projects, and this morning is no different. Check out this shawl by millicurie on Ravelry. It's called Venus Transit . Perfect. A friend shared this beautiful book art with me. Elaborate paintings were discovered on the edges of 19th century book pages, visible only when the pages are fanned out. More book paintings This gorgeous vegetable medley was in the CSA box yesterday. This is how it looked after  I removed the spinach, and basil, and herbs. A rainbow of delicious. Here are the tomatoes we received. I had trouble fitting them all into the fruit bowl. Sauce is upon us. (Not literally. That would be gross.)