Monday, August 29, 2011

Toxic Tux

Yesterday at work, I was reminded of a scene from the movie Fern Gully.

If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it to everyone, even though it's a kid's cartoon. It's about a rainforest full of fairies and other creatures that are way too adorable to be real, fighting for survival against evil humanity's drive to have more stuff.

Robin Williams plays an excellent roll in the movie as Batty, who is (surprise) a bat, recently escaped from a lab where he was experimented on repeatedly. His rap is one of the most incredible things I've ever heard, and I still listen to the full version on a regular basis. Makes me feel better when I'm having a bad day - at least I haven't been electrified and dipped in paint and all that.

Another great character in the movie is Hexxus, who was locked away by weird fairy magic in a weird tree in the rainforest. He's the embodiment of pollution, and when he's accidentally freed, he starts getting his slimy gloop all over everything in his path. He takes over the humans's tree-cutting machine and starts sucking up all the smoke and grime he can, because to him, it is delicious, it is perfect, it is destruction at its finest. And the best part of all that?

He's played by Tim Curry, who sings Toxic Love as he's slurping up all the filth he can get his polluted hands on. It's a ballad to the deliciousness of destroying everything around you and making it uninhabitable for every living thing. Obviously, he's a villain - but he's one of the best cartoon villains I've ever seen. (Jafar from Aladdin is in that category, of course.)

On Sunday, I was at work, accepting tux returns from people who were all hungover, exhausted, and unshowered. I had to go through all of their pockets to be sure they didn't forget anything and that all the tux pieces were there. The second step in this process is to take them to the back and "break them down," which means removing the garment bags and hanging up each piece inside.

One of the tuxes was particularly rank. I pulled off the garment bag and an otherworldly woosh of scent came flying out. It reeked of sweat, beer, and smoke, and it was like a sudden wave of disgustingness broke over my head and buried me in its stench. My first thought at that smell?

Hexxus singing Toxic Love.

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