Monday, August 1, 2011

A New Adventure, in Which I Hope Not to Reveal my Verbal Vomit Super Power

As I write this, on Sunday night, I am excited, nervous, and eye-poppingly shocked. As in, my eyes are popping out just a little because I've waited months for this day to come.

The day before my new job starts.

The hours of searching, the replies in my inbox that want a credit check for a secretarial job, the days wondering if I'd be able to afford food again have finally reached fruition. Small fruit is better than no fruit, and I will eventually get a second job. But on Monday (that's today for you peeps), I start work as... a studio photographer.

Yes, I have no studio photography experience. But regardless of the part-time hours, it's a paying job that will cover my current bills, and I think I will enjoy what I'll be doing. There's a certain amount of creativity involved (even if it's just in posing people awkwardly and making them laugh at my monkey dance). It should be clear by now to all y'all that I like taking pictures. And it will get me into the world of Madison so I can start exploring it and learn where not to get an apartment when I can finally afford one.

I always like doing new things, at least for the learning at the beginning. It can be terrifying, and sometimes you find yourself at the bottom of a ginormous pile of Knowing that has to happen before feeling at all competent - especially when the job is different from anything you've ever been paid to do. But generally, knowing more stuff than you did before is exciting.

That said, I always get nervous beforehand, and kind of stay nervous for the first few weeks. Some things I'm hoping don't happen tomorrow, or for a while:

- showing up late
- spilling something (that's not water) on myself at the beginning of my shift, and having it stain in an unfortunate shape or awkward place
- making a random comment about something like genital piercings because I'm nervous (aka verbal vomit)
- tripping over my own feet, which I already do all the time when I'm not wearing unfamiliar, work-type shoes
- getting home and finding out I had toothpaste on my cheek all day
- breaking an expensive piece of equipment the first (or second) time I touch it
- breaking an unspoken (or as-of-yet-unlearned) work rule and getting a look from the person training me
- breaking an extremely obvious social rule like don't accidentally insult your new boss when you talk at her (this one will make me hide in the bathroom until I don't shine like the dark room's red light)
- discovering I work with someone I will never get along with (like someone who sets off my PervDar)

The list, you might guess, could go on and on until I collapse in a fetal ball in the corner, rocking back and forth and biting my fingernails and waiting for Spousal Unit to come stealth-cuddle me into a relaxed state. (Yes, that has happened.) As it is, I'm just going to say that if only two of those things happens in the next few weeks, I will have won at starting my new job.

If not, then I'm going to need a wig and a wand, so I can use the false memory spell on everyone and make them believe I'm actually a competent adult. Who doesn't say things like, "Was she tripping over her vagina?" to people she's only met twice.

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