Dear New Mexico,
I'm sorry to tell you like this, but I'm leaving you.
I'd hoped to tell you in person, but all the lines are far too long and it takes forever for them to move forward. You know how it is. Besides, I have a feeling you would have just blown dust in my face if I showed up in person.
Look, don't take it personally. It isn't you; it's Colorado, Nebraska, and Iowa, who've all come between us. They've gotten in our way from day one, sabotaging our chance at a healthy relationship. And you, New Mexico, aren't helping lately. Every time I express affection, I get nothing but dry eyes in return. Really, really dry eyes.
I'm just hoping for something more, I guess, which is why I'm leaving you for Wisconsin. It has green hills, trees galore, and small rodents in each of its parks. Don't get me wrong, New Mexico - you have some great landscape. But it takes more than gorgeous eye candy to make a relationship work.
Did you know that when you hold a meeting in Wisconsin, people show up on time? (Or at least within five minutes?) Did you know how wonderful their beer is? How about their cheese? Man have they got cheese!
But I didn't write this letter just to rub it in your face. Wisconsin has its problems, too. Instead of the Internet going down when it's windy, I'll have to worry about squirrels who bite the power lines in half and get fried to a crisp. Instead of a terrible drought for months on end, I'll have to deal with flooded basements and lakes that wash away, making the center of the state a big bowl of cheese soup.
I have to admit, New Mexico, there are some things about our relationship that I'll miss. You provided me with wonderful sunsets. I hope I don't find driving in the Northwoods terribly boring, now that I've driven through gorgeous mountains.
Despite all that, it's time to move on. You'll always have a special place in my heart, New Mexico - I'll be back to visit someday.
But not till we've put some good distance between us. About 1300 miles of distance.
Your former foreign squeeze and blonde babe,