From the Archives: Variations on "Roses are Red"

As you all probably know, I like to buck the system from time to time. I especially enjoy this when it comes to a certain heart-infested holiday used to force consumers into purchasing as many obnoxiously sweet gifts as their little pocketbooks can afford.

So one year, I cut various organs out of construction paper and wrote these little diddies on them. And they were my Valentine's cards.

Written on kidneys

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I give vital organs
To no one but you!

Roses are red
Violets are not
My heart is beating
My kidney was not.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Who needs two kidneys?
I'll give one to you!

Roses are red
I like my heart
It's very nice
And my kidney is not.
(The above kidney was drawn to have an eye patch and a knife.)

Roses are red
Violets are stupid
Here is my kidney
Instead of a cupid.

Written on spleens

Roses are red
Grapes can be green
I'm using my heart
So here is my spleen!

Roses are red
You need a joint
I need a heart
But a spleen has no point.

Rosen sind rot ~Roses are red
Veilchen sind nicht ~Violets are not
Ich brauch' ein Herz ~I need a heart
'ne Milz hat kein' Pflicht. ~A spleen has no duty.

Written on a sad heart

Rosen sind rot ~Roses are red
So ist mein Herz ~So is my heart
Ich gab es zu dir ~I gave it to you
Deshalb hab' ich Schmerz. ~And that's why I hurt.

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