Deviant Dispatches

Spousal Unit and I have been watching Empire of Dreams: The Story of the Star Wars Trilogy . One of the things that has most amazed me so far is the original concept art, done by Ralph McQuarrie, who passed away earlier this year. Source I'd seen his work before, but I didn't realize what an impact his work had on the films overall - some designs followed his paintings down to the last detail. I'd love to have a copy of any of his pieces, but especially the ones I've posted here. (Click to see all the brilliant detail!) Source Source Watching this documentary has somehow reminded me of an old knitting pattern I have, that I've never used. It's simple, and about time I made it: a knitted lightsaber. Source This particular lightsaber pattern is for kids and dogs, hence the odd handle-to-saber proportion. I will, of course, make an adult-sized one, so that it doesn't look so much like a... well, you know. Carbonscoring, the arti

It wasn't long into our Vegas trip that I revoked Spousal Unit's camera privileges. Once we landed, I felt the magic pretty quickly. One might imagine this is how an acid trip feels: the hotel lobby was full of floating flower balls. (If you could even call it a lobby. They might prefer "atrium.") If that was impressive, I was completely floored by the view from our room on the 52nd floor. We could see forever. Including the Vegas we lived in for a few years, I've never seen a place where grass looks so ridiculous; the natural landscape is completely barren, so all the greenery is man-made. See the big patch of grass near the window? A golf course. $500 per game. We wandered the strip a little, and discovered some other cool things, like this siren motorcycle at Treasure Island... ...and a Sistine Chapel-esque ceiling at the Palazzo. Then the event we all came for: The Beatles Cirque du Soleil. We were not allowed to

This weekend, I'm going to Vegas. And now I have to clarify. I'm not going to Las Vegas, New Mexico, where I lived for several years. I'm going to the one in Nevada. The one with multiple neon signs and gambling that doesn't happen in tents on the side of the road. The one with a big street someone thought should be named "The Strip." Really, who thought that  was a good idea? There are two super-exciting parts of this trip for me. One is getting to stay in an amazing hotel with a view of the mountains. The other is going farther west than I've ever gone before. A little at a time, I will make it all the way around the world. At this rate, it'll only take me another 30-60 years. WAIT. I have one more thing to look forward to. The Beatles Cirque du Soleil

A couple of weeks ago, my sister had a birthday. I'd seen her wearing wispy little decorative scarves earlier in the summer - you know, back when you didn't want to wear nothing everywhere you went. And I thought to myself, hey, I could totally make her one of those. So I did. This is made with one of the earliest knitting patterns I memorized, a simple yarn over, knit two together. Then I weaved multicolored eyelash yarn through the holes. Simple, elegant, fun. My most recent project is kind of an exercise in new techniques. The pattern is simple enough - something from my invaluable Knitting Stitch Bible . (If you care at all, the pattern is called "Lace Wheels," though if anyone ever tried to use wheels shaped like this, they'd get called stupid pretty quickly.) The new-to-me technique I want to use is to pick up stitches all the way around this scarf, once it's done, and knit frills for it in a different color - like green or orange.

I'm not used to working a full week, but I'm in the midst of one right now. I don't usually complain about working a "whopping" 40 hours, and I know lots of people who work more than that in a week. But my leg and back pain, combined with moving and organizing an entire bookstore, results in a sore body and sore mind. I'm so done with thinking for the week, and it's only my Wednesday. What this means is I'm not planning to think too much the rest of the week, so here, instead of witty commentaries, dry banter, and sharp analyses, you're going to get mass ridiculosity. I hope you can tolerate that for a week - I sure as hell won't have a problem with it. For example... - Here's a thneed someone knitted. A thneed, as you know, is a thing that everyone needs . - A Silly Song, featuring Larry and some pirates - A few terrible tattoos and some wonderful ones A cat picture A knitted angler fish - And a totally hilariou

Sometimes I think it would be safest for everyone in my life if I just introduced myself by saying, "Hello, my name is Allison. I am a socially inept human being. I shall now commence with the word vomit." Even more helpful would be a t-shirt that just says "Socially Inept," a kind of do-not-feed-the-animals preventive sign to keep others from engaging me too closely in conversation. Especially on a weekend like this, when I'll be thrown into close proximity with more people than usual as the bookstore moves a block down, resulting in lots of weird moments when I run into the same people over and over again as I walk down the sidewalk. And then back again. You can only say "Nice weather today" so many times to the same person before it becomes a weird and painfully obvious filler. Actually, you can only say it once. Which means I have to try really hard to remember everyone's faces. This should be fun. Now comes the awkward moment in this

Who remembers the TV show Doug ? Furthermore, who remembers The Beets and their hit song Killer Tofu ? When we received our CSA a couple of weeks ago, it was full of beets. I'd never cooked them before, but I knew I wanted to create a dish to go with The Beets' song from the '90s. The primary spice I used in this dish was Chinese five-spice powder, a mix of ginger, anise, cinnamon, fennel, and cloves. It went perfectly with the mildly sweet flavor of the beets - mine came from an Asian foods store. When you use the beet greens, be sure to discard the stems and even de-stem a good portion of the leaves - the stems can be tough and bitter, and the sweetness is the best part of this dish. And when you cook the rice, rather than adding water, try some vegetable stock for flavor. Killer Tofu 5 medium beets, sliced 1/8 inch thick Greens of 5 beets, chopped 1 sweet onion, chopped 1/3 package of tofu, pressed and crumbled 5 egg whites or 3 whole egg

  It's been a while since I posted one of these, huh? Enjoy this mini-vacation - pretend it's not just a sunset at James Madison Park you're seeing. You're on a donut-shaped tropical island. You're at an Australian oasis. You're on Lake Superior. You're in the backyard, feet dangling in the kiddie pool. (I'm not here to judge what you consider a vacation - I'm just jump-starting your imagination.)

Glow by Amy Kathleen Ryan  Spark About two years ago, I read an advance reader copy  - an ARC, for short -  of the book  Glow . I was very impressed with this new-to-me author; Ryan has written some other books , so she's not a completely new author. But she is  new to the intergalactic space opera, and she's done wonderfully with it so far. One of the first things I noticed about Glow  was that it had a terrible, terrible summary - though in a way, I was glad it was kind of awful, rather than giving away the book's biggest issues. According to the summary, this book is a love triangle in space, but it quickly became clear that it's a lot deeper than that. (This Kirkus review does a great job of summarizing without giving it away!) Waverly (I hate that name) is headed for New Earth, along with everyone else on their ship. She's dating Kieran, and everyone figures they'll probably get married and have lots of fat, happy babies. (This is kind of a

This is my real job. Yesterday, a coworker and I went to sell books at an offsite event - at a country club. Knowing that, on its own, without knowing what kind of country club or anything, made me think, Yeah. This is going to be interesting.  And unfortunately, I was right. Country clubs can be good things, but generally only if you're a wealthy older white man with a nose so long you have no choice but to look down it at people, or if you married someone who fits that description. True, there are many nice people who belong to country clubs, people who give to charity and appreciate and respect all life, but they sure as hell weren't coming out of the woodwork yesterday. We arrived at the club and pulled our massively unwieldy cart to our display table. I'm telling you the truth here: a lady with terrible (but probably expensive) taste in clothing came up to me, before I'd taken anything off the cart, and shoved her reconstructed nose in my face. "How mu

This is a giant radish we got in our community-supported agriculture (CSA) box a couple of weeks ago - just one of many reasons I love getting a big box of fresh veggies every other week. You'd never find a radish like this in a store, nor would it be quite so fresh. Hooray Circle M Farm ! Spousal Unit and I have gotten three of our ten summer boxes now, and I'm pretty happy with our choice thus far. How many CSAs let you go to the farm and work off what you owe for the veggies? We've gone once, with friends, and it was so cool to know we helped pick the sugar snap peas that came back to us - almost like when I went to Grandma and Grandpa's, picked a bucket of berries, and came back to the house to eat them over fresh biscuits. Sorry, CSA, but no matter how awesome you get, nothing beats the food my grandpa grows. On top of that were all the animals we got to see. I miss my days on the alpaca ranch sometimes, and it was nice to see fuzzy critters again. A li

This morning, I head to the Dentist of Doom to get two fillings. I'm not too concerned about the dentist himself; he speaks like an evening jazz DJ, calming and reassuring. It's the assistants that kind of have me worried. When I went for a cleaning a few weeks ago, one of them flossed me like she was wielding a giant chainsaw. I'm nervous in general because I've never had fillings before. (This is what comes of not having been to the dentist in three years. Huzzah for finally having insurance.) I hear that fillings aren't supposed  to hurt, but I've also heard that they can go badly. I had my wisdom teeth pulled in high school, one of which decided at the last moment that I was its best friend in all the world and we were inseparable. It took a dozen shots of novocaine and my former dentist's foot braced against my jaw to pull it out. The new dentist had me fill out a three-page form, one question being about negative dental experiences, which I descr

When I was little, I had lots of tapes full of weird, fun music. One tape I especially loved was called The Music Machine, and it taught the Fruit of the Spirit (not to be confused with Fruit of the Loom ): Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Kindness, and Self-Control. Each had a song to go with it, and the one that still sticks with me is the song for Patience, about Herbert the snail. I mentioned I'm Too Full For Broccoli by Joe Scruggs in an earlier post commemorating cassettes . My favorite was Oh By the Way, but that one hasn't been deemed fit for mass viewing (meaning it's not on YouTube). I had a tape full of Joe Scruggs songs, and I listened to it almost to the breaking point. Some kids listened to Raffi; I was no exception. Baby Beluga was one of my favorite bedtime songs. Remember Peter, Paul, and Mary? Puff the Magic Dragon was great, of course, but the one I still listen to over and over again is The Marvelous Toy.

From Our Breathing Planet Many bookstores these days are required to carry more than just books in order to stay afloat as a store. You probably know that already - think of your last trip to one. What did you see? Probably cards, puzzles, stuffed animals, jewelry, bookmarks, book lights, and other little kitsch items. It's when I'm receiving things like this, elbow-deep in price stickers and plastic and marketing, that I get disgusted at the consumerism and greed in our society. Don't get me wrong; these things are not the bookstore's fault. It's a societal demand that results in bookstores stocking things like spidery head massagers and decks of literary-themed cards. But the fact remains that our society feels the need for these things. We give people useless gifts, so that we can give them something.  We buy ourselves that new sweater or cool toy, not because we need it really, but because it's on sale and we want more - sometimes because we're

I've at last completed number 13 on my list of 25 things to do before my birthday in October: finish a crossword puzzle. The proof is in the... picture... My original goal was to complete one entirely alone, without outside help from any persons or internets. But I realized most people get at least a little help from someone while completing these, so I gave myself some slack and accepted Spousal Unit's help when I needed it. He may tell you that he completed up to half of the crossword for me. This is what we call lying,  kids, and it's a very bad thing to do. I finished half the crossword before I even asked for his help, and even then, I didn't really need it. As we all know, I don't really  need help. I just like the strangulatory hug a strait jacket gives me. Anyway. Most of the reason I was able to finish this was because of the theme: Beatles songs turned into horrible insect puns, such as Ant Buy Me Love, I Bee Mine, and Cricket to Ride. Us

Dear Weather, You are such a tease. I see those clouds you put up in the sky this morning. Nice decorating, I've got to say, but unfortunately, I know they're all for show. You're a vain beast, Weather. I wrote a letter last summer to your evil genius partner, The Heat . Not long afterward, he got the hint and chilled out for a while. How about you, Weather?  A hundred degrees for a week straight? Come on already!  All we're asking for here is some gentle rain for a few days - maybe at a temperature that won't make it evaporate before hitting the ground. I know this might be a problem for you. Your close friend, Hell, has been visiting for weeks now. I know you like to make things comfortable for that wretched beast. But guess what? No matter what you do for that psycho, he'll still sell you out to Vader and make you work for the powers of evil. You'll be forced into cahoots with the Dark Side, and next thing you know, there's a wrinkled-ass

Spousal Unit and I found an awesome spice rack this weekend. I'm way excited. We came across it at Saver's, which further convinces me that second-hand shopping is the best thing in the universe. At no other stores can you find such an odd collection of knick knacks, bizarre clothing, and cheap furniture. The twelve little bottles (I've only filled four of them so far) evoke such a sense of an apothecary, with their little wooden rack. Spousal Unit said they reminded him of Practical Magic, and that I should replace one of the labels with "Eye of Newt" or some such thing. I certainly won't peel these labels off, but if one falls  off someday... Spices are my favorite thing about cooking. I believe that the spices you add to something can make or break the dish. If you can master which spices to add, when, and what amount, your recipes and experiments will pretty much always be delightful. (I say "pretty much always" because even