Friday, June 15, 2012

The Prostitution Scene

The recent trend in Jobs That Will Totally Humiliate You seems to be standing out on the street corner in a costume for some business or another. That costume may or may not relate to the business, but throughout the summer, one thing is certain: the person inside it will likely have their brains fried to a crisp.

One of the most high-profile street costumes is actually nothing more than a cardboard guitar, and it might be the least humiliating. Little Caesar's pizza sends their underpaid teenagers (and the older employees, too) out to the street corner to play something one step above an air guitar, decked out in a very fancy safety vest.

The guitar says something about $5 pizzas, or extra breadsticks, or where to get a good bag of crack. I'm not sure, because when people are playing that guitar like mad, it's kind of impossible to actually read. Didn't think that one through, did ya, Caesar?

A few blocks down from one of the pizza places is a tax place which, during tax season, sent out one poor lady or another dressed as the statue of liberty. (Their name has something to do with her, I think.) She had to stand out there, day after day, waving a stuffed plastic torch and a sign while wearing a sea foam crown and what may have been a green plastic bag. How much lower can liberty sink, really?

One of the best, though, is a place on East Washington. In one little strip mall, somebody is required to stand outside with a giant sign, in the sun, waving it around and dancing like a mad fool. About 100 yards away, another person stands in front of the Gold for Cash store (not to be confused with Cats for Gold). The owners of that store decided that the best marketing they could do to get their product across involved a guy in a chicken suit.

In less than one block, I am subjected to a flapping yellow chicken and a dehydrated guy with a giant posterboard. Absolutely ridiculous.

Why the hell is this becoming a trend? The people who have to do these jobs probably hate them. (Yes, it's better than no job at all, but there must be more productive things to do.) I understand that it's cheaper than a billboard or a Sunday paper ad, but all it does for people like me is make me wrinkle my nose and look away - no matter how sultry a chicken's come-hither wink might be.

1 comment:

  1. There's a furniture store here that's going out of business and had someone out on the street in a hollowed out mattress advertising for them. I felt sorry for that person because that costume had to be heavy!


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