Friday, June 22, 2012

Books I Don't Want: Now With 100 Percent More Knock-Ups!

When I first ran across this cover, I thought it was a fake title. But no.

The Very Virile Viking by Sandra Hill

The Very Virile Viking is a real book. By a real romance author, who apparently doesn't care about pretending to be historically accurate anymore; she just wants to get to the good stuff. The first line of this book? "In the days of old when men were... whatever..."

I think this review sums it up much better than I could. I especially like the euphemism the reviewer points out: "It was not yet spring, but his sap was running high." Oh myyyyy.

Our next awful book title features...

Pregnesia by Carla Cassidy

...Okay. No. I give up on this one. It's too easy.

(Just let me say that either this is a condition where you forget how you got pregnant in the first place, or the lady's birthing a planet. Now I'm moving on.)

We all know Harlequins are absolute crap. Here are some more wonderful baby-related tales from the best-known romance publisher in the world.

I am now convinced that Harlequin just does a find-and-replace to publish new books. Let's play that game, shall we? Using the Random Word Generator and the format "adjective, possessive noun, pregnant, noun," I will now create Harlequin book titles.
  • The Shortish Chancellor's Pregnant Crew
  • The Rickety Czar's Pregnant Typist
  • The Frowning Boater's Pregnant Cowgirl
  • The Comatose Marmot's Pregnant Farmhouse
  • The Remorseless Ophthalmologist's Pregnant Empress
  • The Polytheistic Planter's Pregnant Puma

Wow. Vote for your favorites in the comments.


  1. They're all such gems. Don't know if I can pick a favorite. But pregnant cowgirl could produce amazing animal like descriptions. -Ashleigh

  2. My fav: “The Comatose Marmot’s Pregnant Farmhouse”


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