Friday, December 2, 2011

From the Archives: Things I've Learned in College

*Written throughout my freshman year, 2003-2004. Most of these lessons were, of course, learned the hard way.*

1. Cream of mushroom soup turns fuzzy green and red after four weeks in the fridge.

2. The secret ingredient in gummi fruit snacks is crack.

3. You can get bruised when someone bites you. (I don't think this was the situation most of my friends know about... I think that was sophomore year.)

4. Pants with lyrics written on them make a good conversation piece.

5. Gravity works.

6. If you need to hand-write six pages of essay quiestions for a mid-term and have tendonitis, wear the brace.

7. If your class is 1/4 mile from your room, make sure you have everything you need before you leave.

8. Don't eat cafeteria cottage cheese.

9. It is a bad idea to pour boiling ramen water on your fingers the week before a concert. Or, you know, ever.

10. Oatmeal is a good, cheap breakfast food. Also lunch, dinner, or snack food.

11. Wear flip-flops in the shower, not slippers.

12. Getting a care package in the mail is like having an extra birthday.

13. Laundry and dishes are like homework: the more time that goes by without doing any, the more you get, and the less likely you are to do any.

14. It's nice to go home, but it's nice to come back, too.

15. If you need five blankets to stay warm at night and you have to stick your head under the covers to unthaw it, and the bathroom is warmer than your dorm room, it's time to complain.

16. Getting an IV is not fun, but they help if you're dehydrated.

17. It's fun to ride an elevator when you're drunk. Walking into walls is fun, too, but you're not usually doing that on purpose. (Incidentally, 16 and 17 are not related.)

18. Forgetting to eat is bad.

19. Do not inhale rice. You will choke.

20. It's embarrassing to be serenaded, especially if you don't know the people singing.

1 comment:

  1. So...uh...what is the story behind #20? Huh?Enquiring minds want to know.


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