Deviant Dispatches

Tonight's our last night in the apartment. I hope. We're leaving tomorrow, but because we lived here for almost three years (four for Spousal Unit), we have way too much stuff to take in one trip, as happens when you're surrounded by really nice people who want to help make you comfortable at home. (Thank you, Really Nice People!) Anyway, while we're traveling, I likely won't be able to blog. But I wrote a special post for tomorrow at least. Enjoy your last New Mexico sunsets (at least till we travel this way again).

Dear New Mexico, I'm sorry to tell you like this, but I'm leaving you. I'd hoped to tell you in person, but all the lines are far too long and it takes forever for them to move forward. You know how it is. Besides, I have a feeling you would have just blown dust in my face if I showed up in person. Look, don't take it personally. It isn't you; it's Colorado, Nebraska, and Iowa, who've all come between us. They've gotten in our way from day one, sabotaging our chance at a healthy relationship. And you, New Mexico, aren't helping lately. Every time I express affection, I get nothing but dry eyes in return. Really, really dry eyes. I'm just hoping for something more, I guess, which is why I'm leaving you for Wisconsin. It has green hills, trees galore, and small rodents in each of its parks. Don't get me wrong, New Mexico - you have some great landscape. But it takes more than gorgeous eye candy to make a relationship work. Did you know that...

Today is my last day of work. I've had an amazing job at the bookstore. The last two and a half years have been many kinds of excellent (for me personally and for my resume). I've learned a lot about a different aspect of the book world, and I'm particularly thrilled I had the chance to work with kids - something I never thought I'd like, but I loved it dearly. I made signs and tombstones, using my artistic abilities on the job. I wrote reviews. I got to read advance copies of books (and had to wait that much longer for the second book in the series to come out). The intellectual opportunities were exactly what I needed. I met wonderful people. I can honestly say I like all of my coworkers right now, something very important when only ten people are working together to run an entire store. Not to say everything was always hunky dory; we butted heads from time to time, but the counterargument was always an intelligent one. We came out here with no family and no friends. ...

When it comes to driving music, I have some simple requirements: 1.) I must be able to sing along, or at least hum loudly. 2.) It has to be slightly headbanging so that I have an excuse to bob in place. A high school friend gave me a CD titled, "Don't Fall Asleep at the Wheel!" and it does a great job of helping me not do that. On the upcoming 19-hour-ish drive, I likely won't have anyone to relieve me, whereas Spousal Unit and I usually switch off. So I've been devising some playlists that will make other drivers think I'm slightly crazy as I bob along and shout terrible inside jokes into my walkie talkie. (If you've never used one of those on a long drive, you're totally missing out.) Spousal Unit will get the iPod, as it no longer hooks up to my uber-cheap car stereo. In a similar spirit to the previously mentioned CD, this one is titled, "Wakey Wakey." One Night in Bangkok - Murray Head Jungle Boogie - Kool & the Gang Dog Days are Ove...

Lately I've really been wanting to start running again, in no small part because a friend is training for a half-marathon. It's really made me start itching to take out the shoes and do a few laps on the track. Except I hate running on a track. Another reason I'm looking forward to being in the Midwest: I can run in the neighborhood again without fearing an excessive number of honks/weird cat-calling. Anyway. The above book has helped stoke my desire to hit the pavement again. It's got all kinds of great motivational stuff, races to run, and the 25 best cities for runners (Madison is on that list, though what makes a good running city, I'm not so sure). It lists music to run to, the names of the weirdest races, and a page to make your own running alphabet, filling in each letter with something meaningful to you. It's the kind of thing that, if I was having trouble getting motivated for a run, I could open it up and almost instantly feel inspired. Only problem is...

Over the weekend, in a night of drunken debauchery (okay, only one of those happened, but I'll let you decide which one), our camera mysteriously disappeared. This is bad in a couple of ways, the more pressing of which is that Spousal Unit needs it to complete data gathering on the skeletons for his thesis. The other way it's bad is that I can't take pictures for the blog if I have no camera. So here are some random pictures I found online that are (supposedly) of New Mexico sunsets. The first one is in Santa Fe, the second is in Columbus. They are not my pictures. Hopefully our prodigal camera will return before we move.

Today, I'm entertaining you by making you go away. Below are a bunch of links to things I like that I think you'll enjoy, too. My Three Favorite Webcomics Girls With Slingshots - Snarky, crazy adventures of people without jobs who like drinking. Mostly a girl-centric comic. xkcd - The tagline says it all: "A webcomic about romance, sarcasm, math, and language." One of the smarter comics out there. It feeds my inner geek. Questionable Content - Okay, maybe everyone knows about all of these comics already, but they're good . QC is kind of like reading a romance novel by Douglas Adams. Lots of drama, but man is it weird sometimes. My Three Favorite Blogs The Bloggess - Lots of snark, this lady is a different kind of crazy. She has a picture of Wil Wheaton collating paper just in case she needs it. There's also lots of swearing, if you're averse to that kind of thing. Today's post involves her being beat up by a koala. John Scalzi - His posts aren't ...

Because the world is going to end tomorrow , I don't have to worry about what I'm going to write next week. But because the world still exists today, I'll write about what would happen if the world was actually going to end. I'm not a prophet. I'm just a humble 20-something with a keyboard. But you're welcome. I have a feeling "the end of the world as we know it" won't just happen one day. It won't have a specific start and end date. More likely, it will be a gradual decline. The fact that Donald Trump is no longer in the presidential race is a good sign that the world will not end anytime soon. At this rate, it's most likely this will happen . Another possibility (one that I like much better) is that Star Trek: First Contact will come to life. Wars and general disrespect will make our planet suck, and we'll develop warp drive to get the hell out. Aliens will happen to pass by at the moment we test it. They'll come down to Earth to ...

Yesterday, I was in charge of a program for a class of 17 students who came to the bookstore. I've done plenty of storytimes before, but never something on such a large scale, so I was way nervous. (That's where the dream about ballet and puppets and 200 parents came from.) I more or less reused an old storytime idea, but there was still the matter of the tour and a craft. The class was from the Spanish immersion school, so w hen I said, "Good morning!" they all responded, "Buenos dias!" When I asked, "How are you all today?" they all responded, "Muy bien, y tu?" Not only was it very sweet, but it helped make me feel better. They were a well-behaved class from the start. Having a couple of coworkers to help me was wonderful, too (especially since they both knew more Spanish than I). The kids were really excited about several things: they loved having a story read to them, they loved getting to make their own book for a craft, and they j...

Dear friends, family, and total strangers, Today, I'm a little crazier than usual, what with the nightmares about ballet, puppet shows, and 200 rabid parents, so here are some alpacas out of nowhere!

Vacation is over; It's time to depart. I must leave behind (Although it breaks my heart) Tadpoles in the pond, A can of eels, A leaky rowboat, Abandoned car wheels; For I'm packing only Necessities: A month of sunsets And two apple trees. I'm packing today. What are you doing?

My very first crush defined the rest of my life quite well, in that he was the geekiest kid in class. I was in second grade and at a new school. I hadn't realized yet that in public school, with 40 kids in my new class and too few teachers to explain the golden rule, you got teased for being different. That hadn't been such a problem in my old school, where the most I got teased for was my new glasses. But like I said, this was before I realized all that. As far as I was concerned, Mark was the dreamiest kid in class. And he had enormous glasses, just like me. He was smart, too, especially where math was concerned. I think that was why I developed my little crush on him. I never really understood liking someone for their looks, even from age eight. To me, it was about discovering what was trapped in their devious little brain-cases and analyzing it, to see whether it was appealing or not. I didn't get what other people found attractive in certain looks - still don't in...

I'm going to miss many things about New Mexico. One thing in particular is the weird beauty I didn't expect to find out here. When I first came to visit, I was expecting desolate desert and not much else. I forgot about mountains. Mordor mountains (Spousal Unit saw these), in Las Cruces I forgot about the Rio Grande, which is so much more amazing than this picture shows. Though, this one does pretty good at showing how terrifying it is to look straight down from the bridge. (By the way, this is where Spousal Unit and I got engaged. Romantic, huh?) I had no idea how beautiful a run-down pueblo could be before I came out here. Taos Pueblo I'd never seen a real cactus before, let alone one with fruit growing on it. They have a resilient beauty to them. Just outside of Carlsbad Caverns And I had no clue that Los Alamos really was that hard to get to. It's hard to get there even now, with a modern car. I can't imagine getting there with the old-school caravan they had ...

Dear Madison, Soon I will be in you. If you recall, when I left Wisconsin to be with then-Boyfriend, now-Spousal Unit, I referred to the trip as The Great New Mexican Trial of Pain and Fury. Madison, I beg you: don't make me give the upcoming trip a dramatic, negative name. If I give the upcoming journey a dramatic and negative name, I hope it will be entirely due to the low levels of sanity I already have in place, as observed below. See, I'm even wearing a kerchief in this photo. And I liked it. This is a sign that my already fragile sanity is greatly diminished. This whole "change" thing that's coming up is bad for it, and my sanity is starting to say, "Waaaaait a minute... What are you doing? Where are we going? Why are you putting me in this box? Wait! It's dark in here! Let me out!" For now, I'm ignoring it as best I can, though the pounding on that box in the hallway is rather distracting. But seriously, Madison. New Mexico at least had th...

As you all probably know, I like to buck the system from time to time. I especially enjoy this when it comes to a certain heart-infested holiday used to force consumers into purchasing as many obnoxiously sweet gifts as their little pocketbooks can afford. So one year, I cut various organs out of construction paper and wrote these little diddies on them. And they were my Valentine's cards. Written on kidneys Roses are red Violets are blue I give vital organs To no one but you! Roses are red Violets are not My heart is beating My kidney was not. Roses are red Violets are blue Who needs two kidneys? I'll give one to you! Roses are red I like my heart It's very nice And my kidney is not. (The above kidney was drawn to have an eye patch and a knife.) Roses are red Violets are stupid Here is my kidney Instead of a cupid. Written on spleens Roses are red Grapes can be green I'm using my heart So here is my spleen! Roses are red You need a joint I need a heart But a spleen has...

This is a normal, beautiful New Mexico sunset. This is a New Mexico sunset when wildfires are raging nearby. The fire closest to us is only about 14 acres (at least, as of Sunday - they haven't updated it yet). But I'm sure all that smoke is from some of the dozen other fires blazing throughout the state , the majority in the south. One is over 32,000 acres in size. Another is over 20,000. Another is over 13,000. Typically, our view to the Northwest looks like this: Plenty of mountains to be seen, right? Last night, the same area looked like this: You can barely tell they're there. That's not fog, ladies and gents. It's smoke. If the state turns to ash, I'll let you know.

I have a new fabric arts goal. (Yes, I suspected setting all that aside wouldn't last long. Or take at all. I just like crafting too much.) I want to start knitting lace. So far, the only thing lace-ish that I've knitted were my wedding gauntlets. This picture belongs to MCM Photography They turned out very nice. It took me until a couple of days before the wedding to finish them. Eventually I'll add the lace trim I started. But I want to make more things like them. And I found a gorgeous book to work my way up to. Picture copyright by the people who did this book This is definitely not a beginning lace book. You can tell from the size of that shawl on the cover. See how it's folded over? That thing is the size of the girl modeling it. It's enormous, and it's knitted on size 4 needles. Size 4, seriously. Size 4 is about the size of the average twig on the ground. I used size 4 needles to make my niece's blanket several years ago and it drove me batty. Not ...

When I was little, I loved baking with my mom. Mom always let me help add the ingredients and stir it up. I thought it was so cool that together, we could make something so delicious. It was always more sweet for getting to help her make it. When I was about eight, I didn't understand what it meant to bake something "from scratch." I thought that meant you made up the recipe all by yourself - because to me, "from scratch" meant you started with absolutely nothing, not even a recipe. So one day, I decided to bake a cake "from scratch." I don't remember if I followed along with another recipe, but I did end up with something that at least looked like a cake. I put in eggs, flour, milk, all that good cake-y stuff. I also added lots of chocolate, because when you're eight, a good cake needs chocolate. I even made up the recipe for the frosting I put on top. I remember very clearly that the frosting had an entire bar of Hershey's chocolate in it...

*This is a myth from my novel, expanded for your enjoyment. Birds in Mulnaran culture are sacred; this myth explains why.* Long ago, when humans still had their tails and the newly born world spun quickly in her path, the Great Heron looked down on creation with the waters of the earth in his eyes and sorrow in his heart. He was yet a god then, pleased with all he and the other gods had brought to life. But one new form had fallen away from them: mankind. The Great Ape had given mankind their long arms and legs, to move quickly on land, or in the trees, or in the world's large waters. The Great Fox had given them brilliant minds, to create beautiful things and speak beautiful thoughts. And the Great Heron himself gave them a light in their spirits, for though man may never fly on his own, they would always look to the heavens and dream of being more than they are. So did the gods bless mankind, and mankind was grateful. But much time passed, and things once passed from parent to ch...

Have you ever listened to the way someone else talks to your cat? I don't have a cat, but Sadie the Mistress of the Bookstore is pretty close. Customers are always amazed to see her when they come in, exclaiming, "Wow, look! A cat! There's a cat in here! It's a kitty! She's so pretty! Come here, kitty kitty. Aren't you precious?!" I kind of want to strangle them. It's all well and good to talk to a cat, but when people treat Sadie like she's less intelligent than a baby, I think she knows what they think of her. It's something in her eyes and the way she walks away from those people, tail switching self-righteously. She's saying, "I may be small and fuzzy, but even I know you sound like an idiot." Yesterday there were two cases of this. One: a customer walked in the front door, and before even entering the store I heard him exclaim, "Woooooow! tk tk tk, kitty kitty kitty! Meeeeeooow!" and, hunched over, he ambled out of...

Except these aren't anywhere near water. Not too long now and my sunsets won't have mountains in them anymore. Enjoy them while you can!

Happy May! We've had some lovely weather this weekend. Yes, that is snow. It snowed yesterday, May 1. But let me back up a bit so you can see the whole picture. Friday was rather blustery, one of those "blowing cats around corners" days. The cats don't appreciate it, and neither do the people. Dust crawls in through every crack (especially when there's been no precipitation for three months). The internet goes out - I swear, when it's windy here, the internet goes down. No one wants to go anywhere for fear of being blown over. And I am always more grateful for my eyelashes (which I only discovered, when I came out here, serve more of a purpose than making my eyes look bigger). Saturday was gorgeous. In Las Cruces. Spousal Unit went down there to receive an award, and it was 90 degrees there. On the trip down, his adviser had to exchange his van for a rental car because the wind was so terrible. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I set up my little table for the cra...