Deviant Dispatches

I wrote an excellent blog this morning, but at the last minute, I've decided to save it for later. So instead, you get this. I took it last week, before all of Wisconsin became a winter wonderland again.

At work yesterday, I had to deal with lots of future perfect tense. For those of you who are unaware, the future perfect tense goes something like this: At this time tomorrow, I will have been  attacked by velociraptors. Future perfect tense is used when talking about the future, but in a historical sense. I know - it makes my head hurt, too. Which is why, when I ran across a sentence with an extra verb in it, my head almost exploded. I couldn't figure out what to do with it for quite a while, and then I subverted the issue entirely by just removing the second verb. I was so pleased with myself for it that I came up with an excellent slogan. Copy Editors Will have been subverting future perfect since tomorrow Awesome, right? ...Okay, fine. It's excellent to linguists and writers. Everyone else is taking a step back to avoid having geek spilled on them.

I have a new favorite pizza crust recipe. My old favorite recipe was very biscuit-like, with lots of crunch on the outside and soft poof on the interior. Its main problems were in being so crunchy and falling prey to pizza's Enemy Number One: sogginess. Sog does not a good pizza make. Going through my recipes one day, I ran across some recipe sheets meant to be kept in a three-ring binder that were floating free. I think they were random junk mail I received several years ago, and I kept some that looked decent. One was for a yeast-based pizza crust. Before this new recipe, the only other yeast crust I'd tried took forever. It's yeast, after all, and requires time to rise. I was under the impression that all recipes were that obnoxious, but apparently I was wrong. This crust is just as easy as the biscuit crust, but with a delicious bread-y quality: it rises well, is soft all around, and does a marvelous job of not getting uber-soaked in the sauce. Amazin

While I love that, even if the weather is frigid, the winter darkness is slowly melting away, it does make me a little sad. Right now, the sun rises just as I do, and I get to see the glory of sunrise first thing in the morning.  A spectacle like that makes a day start off well. But as spring draws near, the sun will rise earlier and earlier, while I will continue to be a comparative lazybones who doesn't get up until 6:30. I'll no longer see the sunrise every morning. On the flip side, I will get to see the sunset. Right now, it finishes setting on the drive home, so I only catch a hint of the spectacular colors that once were. Soon enough, I'll be able to see it from my dining room every night. But that doesn't mean I won't miss the sunrise.

Last night, I took up a new knitting project. I was thinking of a relative I haven't seen in a while, and I wanted to knit something to show I was thinking of her. Many might think that, in deciding on a string of knitted, stuffed hearts, I fell prey to corporate marketing . Many more might agree, as I chose pink alpaca yarn for this craft. Honestly, I was just throwing together something I thought this relative would enjoy. Nothing more. I admit to being a bit distracted as I worked. We were watching Alien . Yes, Alien . I have made a mental note to myself that scifi thrillers are not conducive to good knitting, at least on first viewing. I began the project (chosen from here ) with no problems whatsoever. The stitches fell into place easily; the instructions were easy to understand. But with all of the hosting and egg-laying and gnashing of teeth on the TV screen, I missed a vital step in knitting the first heart: I forgot to knit every other row without adding

With the addition of two cats to our household, I've been noticing smells a lot more lately, which has made me want candles. I usually have a few on hand, but my winter stash of cinnamon and pumpkin scents is running low, so I want to explore for other delightful fragrances. Naturally, this makes me wonder what the stinkiest, most disgusting candles in the world smell like. After smelling a few last night, I know I definitely hate mixed berry candles; I hate that combo as yogurt, and it would make me puke as a household scent. But the bacon candle might be worse. If you want your house to smell like bacon , then make bacon . Simplest solution in the world. This link talks about a series of candles designed to smell like New York at certain places and times in history. Some are meant to smell like tar and paint thinner. Unsurprisingly, the only ones still availabl e in that series are the ones that don't make you want to die. (Though black pepper and grapefruit might

Dear cats, Look at you there, pretending you're adorable when you're unconscious and cuddling with a knitted GIR . I am not fooled. Yes, your cuteness abounds. Your fuzzy faces are sweet, and you are so fun to watch when you play. But you have much to learn, young Jedi. Fear leads to hate, hate leads to anger, and excessive meowing leads to suffering on my part. Just listen to you. On this occasion, it was rather cute, to hear you beg and beg as I prepared your dinner - Titania, you are an especially skilled biped. But lately, both of you - yes, even Oberon - have taken to whining whenever I'm in the kitchen, regardless of how recently you've been fed. The kitchen has people-food, too. Get used to it. I know you'll probably get over your obsessive nature in time, once you realize that we will always feed you when it's time, give you treats on a daily basis, and rub your bellies when you're drowsy enough to like it. In the meantime, ou

Earlier this week, I tried to make split pea soup in the crock pot. Tried. I've been trying to use the crock pot more often lately; it's been hard, with my new work schedule, to walk in the door at 5:30 and try to figure out whether I have the ingredients for a particular dish. On the morning of the split pea soup, I tossed the remaining lentils into the Instant Meal God, along with some rice, frozen broccoli, onion, spices, and a spoonful of bacon fat, for flavor. I added a few cups of veggie broth and walked out the door for the day. I always try to make soups that are more stew-like, because Spousal Unit is fond of saying, "Soup is just wet food." Meaning he doesn't like soup. Unfortunately for him, soup is one of the easiest things in the world to make, and almost the only meal I can make in a crock pot. (So far - I have a few recipes I want to try, though.) This split pea soup was no exception, but I had added a bit more water than usual, due to the ric

I really have no idea what "indoor chicken flavor" cat treats taste like, and I don't want to know. I'm also curious about Titania's seating choice. But I'm not one to hate on a person (or cat) for their lifestyle choices. Sit wherever you want, cat.

Last night, Spousal Unit and I made a couple of stops after work. We meandered home later than usual, full of lively conversation, as we often are after work. After nearly four months of car pooling, we still have things to talk about on the drive. After eight years together, we still have stories to regale one another. I drove into the parking lot and pulled into a spot, frigid with ice and twilight. I swirled away my skirt and long coat as I rose, slipping keys into purse and chill breath into lungs. But the sound of the car door closing? I don't remember that. I don't remember it because as the door closed, I looked up, toward the south. The light extended this evening, the first clear promise of eventual spring, and a sliver of moon shone in the sky during our drive. I could forever say this was the reason I looked up, but the truth is, looking up is what I've always done. My dreaming mind is in the stars, and in seeing them, I see all I am and all I want to be, ref

I have two things to tell you about today. One of them is thrilling like getting caught in a cool rain on a hot day. The other one is thrilling like discovering something at the back of the fridge has turned an unusual color. This week, I made brussels sprouts. (You already know which one this is, don't you? Damn. I tried so hard to make it a guessing game.) We realized, heading home last night, that we had no vegetables at home. "What kind of vegetarians are we?" the two of us wondered, missing our summer CSA. So we stopped at Aldi for cauliflower, radishes, and, of course, brussels sprouts. This is how they grow, in case you were wondering. I know I was. All about the sprouts I've never made brussels sprouts before, so this was interesting. I charred them in butter and leftover bacon fat (yes, I saved it from the lovely CSA bacon we had a week ago), then let them simmer in veggie broth for four minutes and added salt. Spousal Unit, who'

Dear Internets: I have made a hat. Is it not sweet? I was slightly bored one night just after Christmas, but still feeling the spirit of the season. I spliced this skull-and-crossbones hat together from two patterns: the skull flap hat by So Much Yarn, So Little Time and the Kim's Hats pattern from Last-Minute Knitted Gifts by Joelle Hoverson. I've mentioned this book to you many times, because it is awesome, of course - I love every pattern in it. This hat is further proof that you can do anything with the pattern. Even the skulls are wearing little skullcaps! Knitted on size 8 needles (just like all the other hats I've made) with Caron yarn. It has wee pom at the end of each flap-string, too. In other knitting news, here is one of my Christmas gifts, from my mama-in-law: three sets of needles in a gorgeous box. They are made of huaranguito wood, in sizes 8, 10 1/2, and 13. I've only used the size 8 so far, but they knit well, with a slightly

Today is my second married anniversary with Spousal Unit. Tonight, we're just having a quiet evening with Harry Potter and a bottle of wine. In ten days, we'll celebrate our eighth anniversary together. So far, it's been nice having two of them; we get to choose which one is more convenient to make a big deal out of, but we can still celebrate both. This picture is from before we had anniversaries together, but turned out to be the first big thing we celebrated (aside from our month-aversaries). We're sitting in an old phone booth in my college dorm - the pink fluff sticking out of the wall is where the phone used to hang, presumably. Spousal Unit (then Boy I Liked in the Spring) wasn't even expected to show up that semester - it was September, and he was supposedly in France for four months. But this day, he showed up at the car wash fundraiser my sorority was hosting. I didn't recognize him from the back, with his new haircut, but when he turned, so

Spousal Unit and I have kitties! Cats, to be precise. We found them at a shelter, about a week ago, and when we finally decided which ones we wanted (two of the shyest), I went nuts with some kind of weird maternal nesting. It was bizarre. I even made these toys. I'm glad the mouse turned out well; at first, it looked like a snake that had just eaten  a mouse. When our library was finally cat-proofed, bedded, and litterful, we went to pick them up. The ladies at the shelter had rather intense cases of "crazy cat lady," to the extent that, when Spousal Unit asked if the cats came with collars, one snipped, " Why do you want collars? Are they going to be outside? You don't need collars. They're microchipped. You're not going to let them outside, are you?" Talk about freak-out. The ride home was kind of nerve-wracking for the poor things (though the boy cat didn't move and didn't make a peep), but kind of exciting for us. They&#

I woke this frigid morning to find Jack Frost had visited my patio door in the night - the gateway to all my sunrises. The delicate patterns were starkly gorgeous, especially against a creamy orange glow, so I couldn't resist sharing them. I've increased the contrast quite a bit so you can see the details more clearly. Below is a detail of the previous shot. My favorite part is the little curl in the middle of the top pattern. Here's another detail of the previous shot. (Be sure to click on these to enlarge them.)

When I was little and we went to my grandparents', coffee time was both something I loved and something that bored me. I loved it because that was when the homemade cookies came out - Sally Ann, chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin. In the hot summers, sometimes there was ice cream or popsicles, or even fresh strawberry shortcake. In the cold winter, there was warm apple crisp. Before I had sisters old enough to play with, I got bored with coffee time because the adults would sit around and talk. And talk, and talk, and talk, like there was nothing better in the world and they had endless things to say. Now that I'm older, I share that feeling (and even have coffee, on occasion). But at the time, as a four- or five-year-old, I couldn't wait to be excused so I could run downstairs and play. My grandparents had (and still have) the best places in the world for a kid to play. They have an orchard on the hill behind the house, a delicious garden out front, a creek across the

The first post of the new year. Many people have done a top-ten recap of their last year, posting the glorious things that happened to them in 2012 or their best blog posts. Don't worry; I'm planning to list my most popular blogs for you, too. But as far as my own life? No recaps here. I'm doing a precap - a top-ten list of what will happen for me in 2013. (This would be so much better if I had a Magic 8 ball.) Allison's 2013 Precap 1. Kitties come to live with Spousal Unit and I. (This is imminent - happening at the end of the week.) 2. I actually manage to hold a job for more than half a year without wanting to stab myself in the jugular - new record since moving back to Wisconsin. 3. My wee sister graduates high school and realizes I was right - it does  end, and not everyone acts like high schoolers in the rest of the world. (Not everyone,  but still some.) 4. I will finish my novel. Not as in, "Dear publisher, Please love this pile of word vomit.&q