Thursday, May 16, 2013

The Tea From the Black Lagoon

Republic of Tea is my favorite of the more commercial tea companies. Their teas are tasty, their teaware is gorgeous, and they have a sense of humor, referring to themselves as "ministers of the Republic of Tea." I've loved everything I've gotten from them.

Until now.
Get Clean

I bought this Get Clean tea to see if it would help relieve some of the general "yucky" I've felt lately. I'd never tried detoxing tea before; it sounded like it would taste of pigs' feet and smell of elderberries. Not so, according to the website's reviews.

Everyone seemed to really enjoy the tea's flavor. The least favorable reviewer just said she wasn't "that crazy" about the taste, which implies it's in the middle ground. I decided those reviews were good enough, so I ordered and waited.

Boys and girls: you should never trust strangers on the internet.

The tea arrived and I gleefully made a cup, ready to feel more refreshed. I took an eager first sip, paying special attention to the taste of it. But I can only imagine the grimace I must have made. 

It tasted like utter crap. Its weird combination of bitter and sweet, plus something in between (not unlike the mud caked to the bottom of one's shoe) made me feel such revulsion that I did a spit take.

I am not kidding. I spit that crap right into the sink. I'm just glad I didn't retch.

Part of the problem was that, after those reviews, I was expecting a much more pleasant imbibing experience. I felt akin to a child at Christmas, who has reached the present she was told to save for last, who felt in every fiber the thrill of the last and best Christmas present, only to tear away the paper and discover a box of Wheaties. (Not that such a thing ever happened to me. Ahem.) With such high praise from a fair number of reviewers, the tea ought to have been mildly enticing at the very least. But all of those reviewers must have added something to their tea. 

It was probably crack. That's my only explanation for such high praise of this hot leaf juice.

Now that I'm aware of its terrible taste, I can make myself drink it. The tea does its job, after all, and after a cup of it meanders through my body, I feel more refreshed, lighter. But I can only drink it if I add a tablespoon of sugar, which probably takes away from the cleansing a bit.

1 comment:

  1. I agree! We bought that tea and I was like... "What is this awful taste?" It was like dirty dishwater or something. That what I get for trying to get clean. Had to wash the taste of it out of my mouth with wine!


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