Tuesday, March 26, 2013

A Letter to Health Insurance

Dear Health Insurance,

You suck.

Certainly, in some ways, you do not. It's wonderful to know I can see my doctor without having to forfeit food for the next month. It's great to have prescriptions that cost $20 or less. And someday, if I ever have severe medical issues (or, you know, spawn), you've mostly got my back.

But you've got issues beyond that. How am I supposed to choose which of you to fall madly in debt with when two of your plans are named the same thing and are almost exactly the same thing? I know there's a catch in there somewhere, but it's the waiting for it to appear (and the bill) that will kill me.

Health Insurance, you are just like Two-Face.

You are excellent to have, and in retrospect, I can't believe I lived so long without you. You're not quite the air that I breathe, but you are just what I need to be a healthy person. On the other cheek, you're malicious, back-stabbing, and vicious, ready to alter my life with a flip of that coin. That taunting coin, which emphasizes the money you're about to take from me.

Health Insurance, you're like a politician, a lawyer, and a super-villain all rolled into one neat little revolting package. Sometimes you're working for me, but more often than not, you're working for yourself.

A lucky member of society who can afford to put up with your BS,

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