Thursday, February 2, 2012

Books I Don't Want, Featuring Gunslingers Such as Elvis

Today, I was planning to share a conglomeration of terrible western covers with you. Like Deuces and Ladies Wild, by Richard S. Wheeler.

The guy with his back turned to the table was clearly just getting up to go to the bathroom. The man shooting everyone else was infuriated that someone would fold just for that reason (he forgot his meds today). The lady on the left is preparing to jump over the gravity-defying chair, and those are no lanterns hanging overhead: they're spaceships, coming down to settle this petty human dispute by subtly brainwashing everyone. (Who knew Cowboys and Aliens dated back to the early '90s?)

I also wanted to share one called Buckskin: .52 Caliber Shoot-Out by Kit Dalton.

"Caught in a hotbed of gunmen and shady ladies, Morgan cooled things down real fast."

Because he's cool. Get it?

And apparently any book with a guy getting kicked in the chin by a horse is automatically cooler. Plus, if you feature the same guy on the cover four times, it quadruples the level of coolness. That book is like Antarctica, it's so cool.

Anyway, I was planning to find more western covers, but I was distracted by this little gem: Comeback Tour by Jack Yeovil.

Yes, ladies and gents, that's most certainly Elvis on the cover, curling his lip and wielding an automatic weapon. According to the back cover, Elvis didn't die. Rock and roll was murdered, so he stayed in the army for 20 years, and now Colonel Presley has to take on the Ku Klux Klan, swamp mutants, and voodoo priests. Because he's stationed in the South.

Dark Future seems to be a whole series, based on a game. Jack Yeovil is actually Kim Newman, and the novel series features other titles like Route 666. I kind of adore this series without having read any of it.

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