Sources: Red Velvet Cake Actually Made With Fish Eggs

Picture from an anonymous source

MADISON, Wisc. - The truth behind red velvet cake was finally revealed at One Egg, Two Egg bakery this weekend: the red color is not caused by chemical reactions, as many believed, but by a special blend of red caviar.

"I had to come out about this," said Pete Stieke, head chef at the Madison bakery. "I knew if I made this cake one more time without fully informing the buyer, I'd never be able to sleep at night again. I've been living a lie."

Stieke's red velvet cake follows tradition dating back to the cake's eggy conception: rather than including a necessary fat, such as oil or butter, this blood-red cake uses salmon eggs to get its unusual tint.

Stieke also mentioned the backstock of eggs in his cellar is running low due to the recent salmon strike.

"If they don't stop this strike soon, I won't be able to make red velvet anymore," he said with a shake of his head. "I sympathize with their plight, but some of us are trying to make cake here, you know."

Salmon eggs seem to have been overharvested due to the unusual demand for red cakey goodness. Fish have spontaneously gone barren at hatcheries across the United States, leading scientists to believe they are capable of turning off their egg production at will.

Scientists deny that this is caused by overharvesting, pollution, or Justin Bieber, as many concerned citizens have suggested.