Deviant Dispatches

This weekend, Spousal Unit and I went to the Samaritan House fundraiser dinner, at the United World College. It looks like a Southwestern Hogwarts. It was an exciting evening, thanks to my friends' offer of free tickets to the event. We didn't discover until we got there (sneaking - in heels - around the cranky security guy who wanted to see tickets we'd never heard of) that one of them is president of the Samaritan House. We felt a bit sheepish. Along with a delicious meal of mozz and tomato salad, pumpkin curry soup, and chocolate-drizzled biscotti, there was amazing music performed by students from around the world. Peruvian drumming, an African choir (which can be hired for events!), plus Nepalese and swing dance. Oh yeah, and the silent auction. We've never participated in a silent auction before. Some part of me has always been wary of seeing lots of shiny things, bidding on them, and then finding out you need to sell an arm and a leg on the black market because...

Our wedding vows, adapted from Ingrid Michaelson's "The Way I Am." Soon-to-be-Spousal-Unit: If you fall, I will catch you You need help writing, I'll get a pen Cuz I love the way you jump on the bed to wake me And you take me the way I am Me: If you fall, I will catch you You need a spark, I'll be your muse Cuz I love the way you grumble every morning And you take me the way I am Soon-to-be-Spousal-Unit: If you are sullen, I'll give you laughter You're sad or hurt, I'll share your pain Cuz I love the way you take things to heart And you take me the way I am Me: The Cubs are losing; I'll ease your pain The world is dark; I'll show you stars Cuz I love the way all things in you run deeply And you take me the way I am Soon-to-be-Spousal-Unit: If you are chilly, I'll be your sweater [Note: He accidentally said 'sweaty' instead. Way cute.] You get too worried, I'll rub your back Cuz I love the way you're cold, but love the snow A...

All books for these segments are not necessarily books I am going to buy. They are books that really, really appeal to me and I really, really want them. But I usually haven't the spare moneys, especially now that we're saving up to move. (Pictures are not mine.) I am an Emotional Creature , by Eve Ensler, author of The Vagina Monologues . This book, in the same style, is a collection of letters, poems, and stories of girls around the world. This is the kind of book I want in my home so that when women or girls browse the shelves, they can find something to make them more courageous. (No, people don't really browse my shelves that often. But part of that is because there are so few people in this state.) The Simple Little Vegan Slow Cooker , by Michelle Rivera. 1) Most of the recipes don't call for weird things. 2) SLOW COOKERS ARE MINI GODS. 3) It's $9.99. Yes, you may look forward to other odd combinations like this in the future.

So, ah... Last night I was making delicious sweet and sour stir fry for dinner. I chopped various veggies into oblivion as Spousal Unit lounged on the couch, shooting at odd-looking creatures on the TV screen. As I was chopping, he paused his game long enough to yell, "I'm hungry! I need a mushroom, STAT!" I did what I usually do in that case: I grabbed the food and threw it at him (he inspires such desires in me). It was a single sliced mushroom, thrown overhand across the counter and into the living room, in what was sure to be a misfire. Instead, it landed perfectly in his mouth. Seriously. You'll just have to trust me on this. It was like witnessing the end of all warfare on Earth, successfully interpreting dolphin language, and being the first to make contact with an intelligent alien life form. All at once. We were shocked and amazed. We celebrated. There was pie and confetti. Awesome! you might say. But no. Let me explain why our terribly low standards make thi...

It's not just for dicks anymore. And yes, that is a Kokopelli patch, just to make it even more phallic.

About a year ago, my coworker and I were visited by The Name Fairy. I work at a magically delicious bookstore, much like Lucky Charms in that books are also a form of crack. It's in the middle of nowhere. Well, not quite. Just down the street from my store is the fun-and-perky mental hospital's day office, for those who no longer need four padded walls, but could still use bumpers when bowling, if you get my drift. This makes my walk to work very interesting. Sometimes the work day is too interesting. Especially in winter, when it's cold and the former patients decide to see what's up in all the downtown shops. Most of them are perfectly nice people, and very interesting to boot. The Man in Black, named for the character in Stephen King's Dark Tower series, dresses in a black trench coat and floppy black cowboy hat. He is very open about his schizophrenia and likes to talk about how much he hates Nazis. Hop (nickname only slightly changed) is older and rather quiet...